It has been 25 days since the tragedy. I don't want to call it just an "accident" because it was so much more. Physically, the doctors told me that my cracked ribs (I have three) will heal in about six to eight weeks. That seems about right. They feel about half healed. I still feel constant discomfort. Little things like picking up Lucas,turning over in bed, or just sitting in a car occasionally cause slight pain, but it's not too bad. As for Lucas, he suffered some whiplash. He seems to be getting better as he is able to turn his head more, but he definitely is cautious about his neck. When he turns to look at something he still favors turning his entire body keeping his neck still, rather than just turning his head. Some of that may be psychological. He has to learn to trust his neck again.
I have so much to say. I know a blog is out there for everybody to see, but that's OK. I've always been a pretty transparent person for those who know me well. No guile. I guess the weirdest thing is that I have students, past and present, who will get to know a completely different part of me that I have not revealed in the classroom. That's OK, too. I have nothing to hide and nothing to be ashamed about. I guess this blog thing will be like a journal. I hope that it will also be like a conversation. If you out there have something you'd like to say, then feel free to comment. Someday, Lucas will be able to read what I wrote. I hope this blesses him.
There are two things that I want to post tonight. The first is about some wisdom that I received from my friend, Chris. About a week after I returned home from the hospital, I was sitting in my office (Lucas' playroom) with my Barbarian brothers (more on that some other time) just talking and Chris spoke a very simple yet profound truth. He told me that there are two paths that I can choose: pain with despair or pain with hope. No matter what, pain is constant. Since the tragedy, I have chosen pain with hope. Though I am suffering and grieving intensely, I have also been filled with a peace that can only be supernatural, not from my own will power. A peace that can only be provided by the Holy Spirit. I have cried out to God and He has met me in my darkest moments. Praise God. I feel that He is going through this with me. He has not left me. I am not despairing.
Second, many of you have said that you are here for me and Lucas. I thank you. The support I've had has been tremendous. I am so rich when it comes to the things that last, loving relationships. What I wanted to say to all of you is that as you are here for me, I am here for you also. This may sound weird considering that I have lost my wife and my son. But you are experiencing loss also. I am not the only one suffering. We walk through this season of pain together.